Developing any relationship after infidelity is hard. When it comes to rebuilding a marriage after infidelity, a lot of reassurance, time and work would go into transforming the relationship. This is important for the partner who has been unfaithful to the spouse to develop patience and truly understand where their partner is coming from. Not only this, but one might also have to start from scratch considering their marriage has been hit by major episode. There is no easy fix and different individuals have a different take on it. Some might be more forgiving and let it go in order to save their marriage while others might take a lot longer. However, some might even consider ending the marriage. What is important here is how you can rebuild the marriage and the amount of effort that has to be invested. In order to rebuild a marriage after infidelity, an individual can take the following steps:
1 – Be honest about what happened
Explain to your partner/spouse about what exactly happened. It is important to be honest since it will be hard for your partner to believe everything you say and might think about missing pieces. Therefore, in order to restore the marriage, the truth has to be told as is in order to make sure that the new beginning is based on factual information. After this, you can let the partner know how you would like to change and make everything possible to keep this marriage going. However, a genuine apology is something that comes from the heart and can be seen through the emotions. It is important to be present in the moment and understand that the emotions of your partner might vary. If you want to rebuild the marriage, you have to put in a lot more effort.
2 – Remove any urges that might promote it to happen again
In order for the marriage to survive, it is important that the trust is not broken again. This means disassociating yourself from any temptation that you think might come in your way. This might mean changing your number, avoiding places that reminds you of your past, workplace, place of leisure or even your neighbourhood. In order to have a fresh new start, it is important to remove all the challenges/barriers that might pop up again in the future and hurt your marriage.
3 – Strongly consider marriage counselling/therapy
One of the reasons people cheat is because they feel the spark is missing or they have constant fights with their spouse. This results in trying to look for someone who might understand them a little better or show love a little more. However, in order to rebuild the marriage, it is important to talk about your grievances and difficulties to a professional who can guide the two of you. Marriage counsellors specialize in this area, and it is completely safe and confidential. In order for the two of you to work together, infuse love and understand each other better, considering marriage counselling would be ideal.
4 – Show constant love and support to each other
For this matter, the partner who has cheated needs to put in a lot more effort, time and care since they were the one who made the mistake. This includes trying to show love/care by spending more time with the spouse, expressing love, trying to do things that would make the partner happy, and engage in positive activities. This could include dinner dates, movie nights, or couple getaway to bring the spark back in the marriage. Rebuilding a marriage might be easier than rebuilding the trust again. However, constant love, loyalty, care and support, are essential building blocks that help create and sustain a healthy, fulfilling, and great marriage.
Fatima Noorali is our Short-Term Therapist (Intern) and is completing her Masters’s in Counselling Psychology at Yorkville University. One of Fatima’s areas of interest includes infidelity. Fatima uses evidence-based modalities and an integrative approach in order to help her clients receive treatment that is personalized to their unique needs.